You know you’ve got a newborn when…

If you’ve just had a baby, then you’re probably discovering what life is really like with a newborn…

1. You gave birth a month ago and still look 6 months pregnant
2. Slumming it in your grotty pyjama bottoms until 2pm has become the norm
3. Sick on your nice silk blouse no longer warrants a trip to the dry cleaners
4. Hearing ‘sleep when your baby sleeps’ makes you want to scream
5. You can’t remember the last time you finished a cup of tea
6. You’ve googled ‘is green poo normal?’ more than once
7. You’re amazed at what you can do on 2 hours’ sleep
8. You glare at your partner in disgust as he snoozes soundly at 3am
9. There’s always a muslin cloth on your shoulder, slightly damp with God-knows-what
10. You’ve almost put the cat in the washing machine, mistaking it for a pair of knickers
11. You often eat your breakfast at 3pm
12. You’ve discovered how to do everything one-handedly
13. You’ll catch yourself rocking a tin of beans as if it were a baby
14. Your toilet breaks feel like a trip to the spa
15. Your camera roll is 99% photos of your baby

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